Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
