whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
