I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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