you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
