Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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