Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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