Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
