Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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