ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
