btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
