We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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