I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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