i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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