I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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