This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
