??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
