At least make sure they are 18
Why
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
