We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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