i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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