Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
