I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
