You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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