Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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