you guys were way drunker than both of me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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