I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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