No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
