Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
