We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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