I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Can I color on your dick again?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
