Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
