I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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