he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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