I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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