Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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