Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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