Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
