This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The adults are the big ones right?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
