You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
