so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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