At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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