I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
