Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
