beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
