I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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