but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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