My room smells like vodka and shame
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The best revenge is premature balding
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
