i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
