I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
