But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
