wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
