I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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