Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
