Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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