this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
