I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
