im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
