Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
