So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
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I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize