Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
