I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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