At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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