i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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