My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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