We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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