Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
