I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
