I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
