Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
