On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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