i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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