The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as a side note pls kill me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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